Rocky Mountain Oysters Don’t Come From Water

Rocky Mountain oysters may not be a delicacy, but there are unhealthier parts of the bull to eat. In fact, they have a number of health benefits, though the health benefits may not outweigh the psychological pain that comes from preparing these things. If you haven’t already scrolled down to see the pictures, and you have a queasy stomach, you may want to leave now because the pics are slightly graphic/disgusting.

Rocky Mountain oysters are bull testicles. The first person to try them must have been hungry because it’s not a very appetizing part of any animal, so I’m not sure how eating them was started. Still, they are more common than I would have imagined.

Raw, uncooked bull testicles

I looked up a few recipes on how to prepare the bull parts, but nothing could prepare me for the ordeal that is the preparation. I daresay this was the most psychologically scarring food I’ve ever prepared, and I hereby officially warn any and all males from preparing it. It hurt my own oysters somehow because there’s a lot of cutting and pulling (and it’s not exactly easy to pull off the parts you have to pull off) and it just didn’t sit right with my manhood. Basically, you cut and then rip the sheath off of the actual testicle. Then you soak it in saltwater, par boil, and you're ready to go with the below picture. 

After the mind-damaging preparation, I decided to cook these breaded and un-breaded, just to see a few differences in taste. For the breaded batch I used eggs, flour, pepper and a sprinkle of cayenne. For the un-breaded I didn’t season them. I fried them up in a pan with some oil (breaded and not) and was nervous to sit down and try them.

I told the bull I was sorry for taking and eating something so valued to the male species, but after that I dug in. I was surprised to discover that the taste was pretty good. I wouldn’t say it was excellent, and I wouldn’t try it again unless there weren’t many other options (mainly due to the psychological scarring that came from the preparation of the raw meat), but I ate it all and had zero complaints. It’s a little tangier and tougher than other cuts of beef, and honestly the beef flavor is very faint. The breaded version was a lot milder, as are most breaded foods, but I did enjoy them both.

For men: I recommend eating this at a restaurant. It’s worth trying and there are some male specific benefits that trump the male-specific disgust that might be associated with eating the dish. However, spare your mind and don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t prepare this yourself!

For women: definitely tasty enough to try. 

Welp, that’s all for this addition. I think I’ll write up the iguana experience next. As always, thanks for listening with your eyes.